The Return Part III

Of all the emotion it should feel, it was puzzlement it felt most. It baffled it how its race or species, with their knowledge, power and most of all wickedness and aggression (and of course madness), would choose to get the bitter end of the deal. Here they are, rotting and stinking in a remote and harsh world, engulfed in darkness. Here they are, hidden from the real world, practicing their own law and way of life in sanctuary. More like an outcast. Here they are punishing and tormenting their own kind, while the weakling human roamed the real and beautiful world. Beautiful, ripe land. The insignificant, low-level creature which more a beast than an intelligent being. Their science are so eons backward that any event, entity or power that they couldn’t understand were called “supernatural”. Damn, they couldn’t even travel between dimensions, let alone mastering the art of self manipulation and recreating life out of non-biological material. The best that they could do was creating large energy source they called “nuclear” and can only do it by using artificial tool they called “machine”. And they rarely can control it or they have an illusion of controlling it. Deaths of thousands of their kind and after effect to their generation seemed ignored. Foolish humans. Foolish, ignorant humans.

 

It heard the tales from mouth to mouth, passed down from its elder from generation to generation. It was also documented in scrolls and books, although the details were spared. It was until he secretly read the Holy Dark Documents that he know the whole truth, every detail. And that what made it angry, bewildered. It took it quite some time (about 500 human years) to discover this; after all the detail and carefully planning, after all the studying and surveying (more like spying) and after using all the tricks in any book in everything.

 

Before time was documented, there was only one world, one plane, one dimension. They were 2 powerful species rule this plane, human was more like a dream at that time. These two species were equally powerful, knowledgeable and capable although differ in nature.

 

One of them is its species, the Dark Contractor. More savage, ruthless and morbid. It was still an advance race albeit a brutal one. They have rules and laws, but it was more out of necessity than out of compassion or moral boundaries. What make them better was they don’t really have emotion, especially those good but intense feeling such as love or sympathy. So, unbounded by moral compass and feeling, they would do anything to accomplish their goal. No experiment is terrible enough for them to carried out, no plan and execution is evil enough as long as it is needed and important. In their own defense (more to their own pride), they are not selfish.  They think the greater good for all than personal good. No matter how much blood shed, how many died, how many tormented, how many body collected, it was all worth it. Sacrifice, seemed to be the core of their existence. Bad, but true. They would have dominate the world if not for the other race.

 

It didn’t know why, even in the Holy Dark Document (which should have all the missing details), the name of the 2^nd race wasn’t clearly mention. The documents just refer them as the Other. Like the name itself would incinerate the document if it was ever written. The Other race or civilization was as advance as the Dark Contractor. They were equal in almost everything; strength, technology, culture etc etc. They were as strong as The Dark contractor but differ in nature. Very opposite actually. They were the yang of The Dark Contractor’s yin. The light of The Dark Contractor’s dark. While the goal itself what drive the Dark Contractor, it was more the love of making themselves better, making the world better that drive the Other. They were bounded by their emotions, human emotions now, and by their pathetic moral compass but instead of becoming hindrances, it became their catalyst. Loves making them accomplishing their goal without unnecessary sacrifice, which make them think harder and do things better. Quite an irony because love usually make people sacrifice. Maybe it was more of their deep believes in morality and fairness. Their sense of justice.

    

It carried on reading the Holy Dark Document. For a few hundred human years The Dark Contractor and the Other co-existed. Although there was no full fledge battle, a silent war erupted of course. It’s just a law of nature. But because they were equal in power and greatness, no one was winning or losing. There were casualties, many in fact, but as the war was fought in secrecy, everything seemed peaceful on the surface. Until a third-party came into the picture, and of course the balance was disturbed. That third-party was, and still is, a low level organism called human. More like germs or viruses. Cancer to the world. Kept reproducing itself and destroying everything around them. But the Other accepted this new race, maybe attracted to their potential amidst their savage nature and small mind. After some times, these human beginning to evolve, becoming smarter and more civilized, although nowhere near as advanced as the Other and the Dark Contractor. But the Other forgot, no matter how big their potential is, human is still savage by nature. There is darkness in the core of their being. And the Dark Contractor took advantage of that. By offering earthly pleasure such as power, wealth and sex, the human agreed to conspire with the Dark Contractor to bring down the Other. For their own satisfaction, they betrayed the Other’s trust.

       

So the plan to destroy the Other was set to motion. With the human inside information, the Dark Contractor knew the Other defenses and weaknesses. Conjuring powerful spell that created Black Hurricane made of hundred thousands of Dark Soldier, the Dark Contractor destroyed the Other Main City. Millions of the Other died. Their power, magic and knowledge couldn’t save them. Most of them didn’t know what hit them, let alone fight the powerful supernatural hurricane.

But at the last moment, the leader of the Other managed to save the Core of their power. He did it by splitting them into two and changed them to human forms. Then he gave them to his most trusted Guards and used his last remaining strength to teleport them to safety. After the Black Hurricane subsided, The Dark Contractor dispatched a Special Force to finish off any survivor. Another force was sent to salvage any valuable object.

 

The rest, as they said it again and again, was history. The Dark Contractor gave the human all the worldly pleasure they wish for. Then, the world was split into 2 dimensions. One dimension which was wild but beautiful, was taken by the humans. This dimension, although suitable for living, was also boring. There was no supernatural manifestation, no spell or powerful magic conjured and not much creature exist. The other dimension, dark and hot, full of wondrous yet dangerous things belong to the Dark Contractor. It was hard to the eyes, but wonderful to mind and soul. It is sort of place humans would call “Hell” but that was because of their inability to enjoy higher sense of pleasure. After that the gate that connecting the two dimension was closed. There was no more interaction between the two races. After a few hundred human years, the human completely forgot about the Dark Contractor or the Other. But the memory of these two powerful races was etched in their soul, they unconsciously reenacted parts of their existence by writing stories, painting picture and singing. The humans thought they imagine them, fantasized about them but actually it was just their souls remember them. The Dark Contractor, on the other hand, from time to time sends a probe to locate the Core of the Other power that was split into two. Only the Probe wasn’t a machine, but a creature that can disguised itself as a human. It would then moved among them, changing from one person to another, collecting information. And once a year, it would feed on human flesh to recharge.

       

From the last volume of the Holy Dark Document, it found out that the Probe was already located the two humans who are actually the Core of the Other’s power. They were separated far from each other, each with their own pair of guardians. They also didn’t know this and though that they are actually normal humans. Again, to its puzzlement, The Great Elder didn’t just send assassins to destroy the split Core. They just monitor them with no solid plan to do anything about it. Frustrated, it took action on its own. But of course stealthy and silently. As old and incompetent these elders are, they were still powerful and full of tricks. Their most valuable assets are the Huvrig, the combination of soldier, guard and executioner. They are violent and strong creature, and most importantly, not affected by magic. What they lack was only the will of their own and are controlled easily by The Great Elder. Once, there was a Dark Contractor that felt the same way as it, called The Great Ojiman. Ojiman wasn’t a powerful conjurer with almost nil knowledge, but it got brute strength. Once, it crushed a mountain because it was on Ojiman’s way. It also slays a lot of its opponents by tearing them bare-handedly. One day, the Great Ojiman challenged The Great Elder and told them to bow before it. The next day, Ojiman head was pierced on the top of The Great Dark Citadel and its limbs was pierced on every corner of the city. They said it was the work of a Huvrig, not many, just one. They also said the Huvrig was once man, and after years of torturing and genetic manipulation, they were transformed into Huvrig, powerful yet in complete control by the Elder.

        

So it moved quietly, planning in sickening detail on how to get to the other dimension and find the Cores. With gifted mind and a lot of anger (a lot of time too), it finally succeed in opening a door to the other side. It was a high level spell and almost cost it its life. Once there, it disguised itself to look human, a trick learns from the Probe design. It was overwhelming even for it, a higher being to be exposed to a new dimension, new cultural, new environment. But it adapted quickly. To make it easier for it, it grabs an elderly human. In a dark deserted place it began to pluck the information from the human. To make it fast, it just slashed the skull right opened and thrust its claws through his brain. Surge of electrical impulse containing information (knowledge, memory, feeling) ran through its hand and directly to its brain. It was a moment of ecstasy, to a human it was like drug overdose on steroid. Then, it knows how the human worlds works, how ancient it may be.                   
        

Without further delay it tracks down the 1^st Core, a male. It saw the Core in front of his home, hesitating to go in. When it closes in, suddenly something happen. It seemed unconsciously the Core react to its present. Wave of energy clashed with its magical energy and open up a little the other dimension. The Core started to get dizzy and almost tumbling. Then it tracks his mind and snatches whatever piece of memory it can get. It was a bus conductor giving a 50 cent coin. So, it change it appearance to the bus conductor and went to meet the Core. The Core was confused, but his energy subsided and the hole in this dimension reality was gone. When the Core was about to take the coin, it change back to its original appearance and used magic that can change its physical self to extend its arms to tremendous length. Its claws went through the Core human body until it hit a tree across the street. The motion brought along The Core to the tree. It reset the magic and its arm is once more in its original length with it at the claws position. It crouched before the Core and said, “If only I can kill you right now..."
"But they said I can't because you are too important. Well, at least I have the pleasure of your pain...”

It started to twist its claws to hurt the Core. To hurt him as its heart and mind hurt. Hurt him because of making it lives in a dark and violent world. It almost killed him when it suddenly sensed another powerful present. The Guardian. It didn’t fear the Guardian, but it fear a direct confrontation could alert the Elder. It hissed and unwinds its teleporting magic to get back to its dimension. Once back, it went down to the lowest level of its own home which protected from any surveillance magic. There, it screamed until its lung burst and started to tear itself up. It doesn’t matter for it as each part of it will come back together like some sick puzzle. Another physical magic that remembers its anatomy. But now, it tore and tore and tore itself up. When it can no longer tore itself up, its separated eyes started to cry individually. Tears mixed with black blood. It hated its dark world.        

 

Intermission

The old man watched the kid carrying his brother on his back. His dead brother. His dead brother body already decayed, parts of him rotten and fell off. Maggots squirming all over the body, some of it dripping on him. But the kid moved on. His stride was slow but steady. His clothes rugged and rotted along with his dead brother. He looked like the dead himself except for his eyes. His eyes were determined, almost burning with conviction. The old man step out from behind the tree and said, “Where do you want to go my child?”.

“I’m looking for God,” he replied.

“Why are you looking for Him?”.

“I want Him to bring my brother back to life,”.

“What if He won’t do it?”.

“I’ll make Him. I’ll kill Him if I need to,”.

“Kill Him? Are you sure child?”.

“In a heartbeat,”.

By this time the old man began to smile. An awful smile, a big grin cracked across his almost decaying face. His one remaining eye began to gleam. His dry white hair fluttered under his hood as cold, biting wind began to blow around the forest.

“Child, I am no God, but I can bring your brother to life,”.

“You can? Do it!”.

“But if I do, how do you repay me? What will you do for me?”.

“Anything!”.

The old man grin widens. His crooked rotten teeth started to show. He put his hand on the boy shoulder and said, “Kill God for me. Find Him and Kill Him”…

The Return Part II

And she kissed him again. Harder. The damp and hot air inside the room didn't bother them a bit. Instead, it made her wanting him more. The ceiling fan, contaminated with patches of rust here and there, spun monotonously with the faint klac-klac-klac noise stirring the hot air around the room instead of cooling them. She pulled his whole body toward her, and then embraced him tightly before suffocating him with her lips. She sucked his tongue. Saliva never tasted this good.

She almost lost in her senses right now. Good. She hoped she’d forget about the dream last night. Dream? No, nightmare should be the correct word. In all her adult life she never remembers in details her dream (nightmare). It usually flashes of random images and sounds, usually in fragments. What she remembers the most is the feeling, whether happy, sad or terrifying. It is usually the only thing that still lingers after she wakes up. But last night was different. Before she went to sleep, she was very happy. In fact, she was so happy that she couldn't really sleep, as she was so excited. Her lover is coming, and they will spend their time together, alone away from other people. Away from the madness of the world. She couldn't really remember when she started to drift off, but she knew she was dreaming because suddenly she was not in her bed anymore. And she knew she was dreaming because she couldn’t control herself. She went through the motion like watching a movie, everything has been scripted.

First, she was on a top of a cliff. She stood before a valley and the sight astounded her. It wasn’t the panoramic view of the valley itself, with the beautiful and majestic built of the rock formation. Nor was the sight of the moon that night, glow radiantly although not with its own light, turning the black pitch sky into dark bluish ocean. The full moon with a little view of its surface, which made out of craters and hills and valleys, looks like a well design rock carvings. What made her speechless and dumbstruck was the sight of the city below her, a city made of light. Or so it seemed. It was so grand and so ostentatious, that they seemed not real. Or maybe they were. Just a fantasy city made of human’s hope. Whatever it was, it was still magnificent. All the buildings were made of steel, glass and crystal, not that different from today’s modern sky scrapper. They weren’t just very high, they were also gigantic. Gold-colored lights emitted from all these buildings through their crystal and glass windows, giving the impression that the city was indeed made of lights. They were a lot more lights below, colorful lights shrouding the city street. At that time she realized that the street was also made of glass and crystal. And there were a lot of people at the streets too; she can hear commotion and noise of their laugh and words.

Then, she heard a whisper. It was like shards of broken glasses brushing against the floor, creating that nerve-shattering sound. It said, “Burn the flesh, burn the flesh. Tear it out, eat it up”. And then she heard a loud sound coming from the end of the valley, beyond the city of lights. The sounds became louder, a horrible sound. A combination of sounds of screams and sounds of thunder. It was a high-pitched but loud sound. With it, a large cloud of dust began to move toward the city, it was so large that it overshadowed the city, which itself was huge. As the cloud of dust reach the city (it was also very fast), she can see that there was something else behind the dust. It was like a black tornado. Like a large, alive swirling air that full of black material. No, not full but oozing with this black material, like a melting tar. There was also something else in the black tornado. There was something like a mass of flesh inside there. It was also pulsing everywhere, like it was made of thousands of living human fused together. May be it was that, she couldn’t really tell because there were a lot to see.

When the black tornado hit, or the better word swarmed the city, she wished she was blind and deaf. Better still, she wish she had died. She could stand the destruction of the city. The shattering glass and crystal, the crumpled and torn to pieces of steel. She could stand the chaos, the falling debris swirling everywhere, dust and other kind of material flown in every direction. What she couldn’t stand was the sight of human limbs, organ, flesh and blood twirling all over the valley, the tornado churning every one of them, not just into pieces, but until they vaporized. Until they were the size of molecules. She also couldn’t stand the screams. Oh, God the screams. First they were barely audible, just a distant echoes of pain. Then, they became louder and they were a lot. The screams were all over the place and then they joint together. The wind blended the screams together and it formed a single, unified scream that would drive people out of their mind. She tried to close her ears with her hands but she couldn’t. Because this is a dream, and in dream you cannot control yourself. You’ve just become a spectator with front row seat. Then the whisper again, louder this time, “Feel the flesh. Eat the mind…”.

Suddenly she was at her parent house, just outside the door. Again, another rule for dream; law of physic and logic doesn’t exist in your dream. Damn, she should write a manual about dream. There is no transition in dream, one moment you were at other place, the next moment you’re at another place. It doesn’t have to be related or make sense, these places. Like at that time, she was outside her parent’s house just before the door. The house that she used to call home. They said home is where the heart is. So what is the place where your fear is? Your anger and hatred are?

She felt her hand moved toward the knob reluctantly. It found the knob and slowly turning it, opening the door. She expected the sight of the same old furniture, the same old lamps, and the same old electrical appliances. She expected the old big tv by the corner, where she spent most of her childhood there. It was her window to the world, although it wasn’t accurate or in most cases, it was a false representation of the real world. But all of that weren’t there. It was still the same house, same size, same tiles and wall but it was almost empty. It was also quite dark, not completely dark but there was only a faint, blue light illuminating the house. In the middle of the house was a round table, with 3 people standing around it. She knew these people. Two of them were her parent, while the other one was her younger sister. They were wearing their normal clothes, but there was something wrong with the expression on their faces. They were smiling, but it wasn’t the same sweet and loving smile that she would expect from them. It was the smile of villains, devilish smile. It was the smile a psychotic’s killer would make after they slay their victims. Devilish smile, devilish. They were looking at something on the table. The table itself was a black wooden table with morbid carvings. The carving wasn’t just show horrible and sickening images, they also carving of words in alien or ancient language. But that wasn’t the most horrible thing there. When she got closer and have a better view of the table, she had almost lost her mind. You see, it was her on the table, or what left of her. She didn’t only recognize her face, but she somehow knew it was her on the table. What was left intact of her on the table was her head, but the mouth was smeared with blood. Her short but thick black hair was a mess. Her eyes were wide-open, part in agony, part in shock and fear. Her body stopped short at the middle of her neck. There was a gruesome and funny-looking metal disk attached to her neck. It was like it was plugging blood from coming out of her head. Blood and pieces of her flesh covered the metal disk. From the disk, there were 5 metal chains attached to it and it was pulled to every side of the table. It was like her head was supported by these chains. And like the disk, these chains were covered in her blood and pieces of her flesh and internal organs. Before she can react, all of her family started to chant, “Tore the dream. Eat the skin. Touch the blood. Burnt the heart.”. The chanting became faster and louder. Then, it was like 500 people were chanting these words inside the house.

Suddenly, they stopped chanting. At the same time her head on the table started to move. It opened up it mouth (or should it be she opened up her mouth?), and a stream of barb wire, blood, broken glass, maggots, flesh and sharp metal flew toward her face. And she knew that when it hit her face her head would explode. When it did…

…she woke up. Not screaming, but panting and sweating. She was like a scared puppy left outside in the rain. At least she was on her own bed again. She felt relief but still shaken. Still afraid. Her room was quite small, and the dim night-light didn’t make it any better. She felt like everything in her room became aliens. Became strangers. Even the big brown teddy bear, which was her favorite, looked alive and was watching her with a malicious stare. The bear was a gift from a guy who really likes her, but she can only accept him as a good friend. It was as though the bear represent that guy anger. She closed her eyes, and sigh deeply. She tried to think of good thoughts, about beautiful things. Things such as flower, lake, mountains. And of course, her lover. A few minutes later she was all right again. Not long after that she started to lie down and dozed off. There was no more dream or nightmare.

Her grip on him loosens a bit. She was pulling away a little, and about to kiss him back harder when suddenly she heard a loud sound and she was flung out of her bed until she hit the wall facing the bed. Then she was slumped on the floor just in front of the bed. She didn’t really know what exactly happen but it took some time for her to realize that she was covered with something wet and warm. It was blood. But it wasn’t hers. She was shaken, and terrified but she knew that she wasn’t dreaming this time. It was a nightmare all right but it wasn’t a dream. First, it was because she was still in her room and second, she can still control herself. Her hands can still move when she wanted them to and she can look anywhere she wants. Then she remembered her lover. So, she forced herself to look at the bed. And she thought her nightmare was awful enough.

Her lover still in the same position, sitting on the bed, naked. His upper body was slightly bend, supported by his two muscular arms that rested on the bed. His face was a mix of shock and immense pain. His eyes were wide open, so wide that they almost became a circular shape. She can even see his veins almost popping out of his eyes. His mouth, in the other hand, wasn’t opened wide. It was open in intermediate position, with some saliva dripping off out of it. His mouth didn’t seem so desirable now. His body and the bed sharing the same thing now. His blood. And it was coming from his belly. You see, there was a big, long but thin blade went through his body. It was rusty too. It was so long that after penetrating his body, the blade went through the bed and hit the cement floor. Its tip was buried into the floor. The blade wasn’t held by somebody, but it was attached to something. Yes, something, not somebody. Because the blade was attached to something that was more foul than any human. It was more like a monster. A demon perhaps.

At this point she couldn’t be sure whether she was still in the real world or she was dreaming. Dreaming of a nightmare. Getting back to the blade, it looked plain (and rusty) but at the area where it attached to the creature (demon?), the blade shape was different. It was carved to a weird and nasty looking shape, with a lot of rough edges and curves. There were carvings on it too. She recognized the carving because it was written in the same ancient alien language like the one she saw in her nightmare.

The monster anatomy was a hybrid between man, animals and metal. It was almost like a fail cyborg experiment except there were no technological elements such as cables, wires, electronic parts or moving mechanical parts. It was just fusion between flesh and metal. The monster core shape is a man, with a body, with something looked like a head. There were some things that resembled 2 arms only one of them is the long blade buried in her lover body. There were also 2 things that resembled the monster feet. At first glimpse, you would have thought that it was wearing a helmet. An old, English knight helmet that was broken and bended out of shape. But it is actually its head, with metal protruding out of the top of his head and it covered its head spirally. It looks like a metal mummy. There was a little opening at its eyes, so you can see its eyes. Its horrible, menacing eyes. Its right eyes is a normal human eye. What so grotesque about it is that it is actually a very beautiful eye. It has a crystal blue eye, not like a true Caucasian eye but like the contact lenses type. It has that so-beautiful-it-must-be-fake kind of look. But there were no eyelashes or brow, only hard, reddish skin around it. A beautiful thing on a horrible thing, it was a blasphemy. The other eye was a complete opposite of the right eye. It was like a cat eye, with long vertical pupil, which is sharp at both ends. Unlike a cat however, its iris isn’t green, blue or other normal color, but it was blood-red. It was almost like the eye was burning. The funny thing is that it has normal brow and eyelashes. Other than that, there was no other feature of his face can be seen. Thank God for that, who knows what other madness dwell beneath the metal cover. Other parts of its body were also like that. All covered with metal sheets, coming out of some part of its body and end up in other part of its body. The metal sheets looked hard, almost rusty and rough. Its edges were jagged while there were a lot of rupture and bending. Where there is opening or gap between these metal sheets, the flesh exposed wasn’t like normal human flesh. Like at the eyes, the skin color was reddish, not completely red, a little bit toward brown. It was rough and it is hard but there was no single hair on it. Its other arm was almost like a human arm except it has claws that covered with metal.

Fear paralyzed her, freezing her in that position, slumped and watching her lover in unbearable agony. She’s shaking, and tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn’t even notice she is muttering “Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod” under her breath. Then, the creature (demon!!) held its other arm up. Its claws suddenly changed physically, it was like it was ruptured inward. It was like the claws wasn’t made from organic material like flesh and bone (and metal), but made of plastic or balloon rubber. It was literally deflated, shrinking into his arm. And out of the arm was another thing. You could say another organ or body part only it looked more like a machine or a tool. Maybe both, a power tool. The body part that replaced the claw was like the skeleton of an umbrella, consisting of insect leg-like metal arranged circularly around a metal rod. The metal rod was sharp-pointed and has rough carving on it. She gasped, “Oh, no. I’m next”. Before she could scream the creature shoved its new hand to the back of her lover’s head. The sharp-pointed insect leg-like metals penetrate through the flesh and also the skull almost until half of its length.

Her lover screamed, a high pitch agonizing scream. She screamed with him. But the ordeal was not over yet. Suddenly the insect leg-like metals spread outward (it was indeed like an insect leg because they have joints), tearing his lover head flesh and back cranial bone, exposing almost perfect circular opening at his head. Blood gushes out. More blood on the bed. If she was standing at the creature position, she could even see her lover brain. Her lover scream louder and continuously. She could go mad by now. Then, the sharp-pointed metal rod extended and penetrating her lover’s brain. The screaming stop. Her lover body started to shake, almost convulsing. His eyeballs rolled up while saliva dripping uncontrollably down his chin, his once desired saliva. Like a never-ending nightmare, the torturing goes on. Without warning, small razors popping out from every side of the rod made it looks like a miniature turbine or fan. And like a turbine or a fan, the rod started to rotate at a very rapid acceleration. The creature drove the “fan” through her lover brain, churning his brain tissues into pieces. His lover brain is blended inside his skull. Brain tissues, white matter, grey matter, blood intermingled and mixed inside his skull. Recipe for pain. Her lover’s body shook violently and he started to scream again, “Wwoooooorggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Worrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!”.

God she hoped he died. And like magic, her lover stopped screaming and his body became lumped. His head dropped down, lolling just like his arms. She wished him dead and he did. She began to feel regret, she should have wish none of these wasn’t happening. She suspected the wish is a one-time offer only. The creature took out the “fan”, which was covered by brownish fluid (mixture of blood, brain tissues and whatever matter inside his skull) and stared at her. Staring her with his blue and red eyes. Then she noticed her lover skin gradually became dark, like something toxic has entered every vein in his body. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. It was her turn. There was no use of denying it. No use of pretending that all of these didn’t happen. Pretending it just one of her nightmare. Her time has come, and it was her turn. She didn’t afraid of dying; she’s only fear the torment that she has to go through before she died. Is it the same as her lover or the creature has something far more sinister for her. A special menu perhaps. She didn’t care anymore. She just closed her eyes. Tears were still coming out. And she waited. And waited. It was the longest wait in her life, and the most painful one. It was like forever. When nothing happened, she started to open her eyes slowly. The creature was nowhere in sight. There was only the body of his lover sprawling on the bloodied mattress. Sprawling with his back on top, revealing the opening at the back of his head. She covered her face with both of her hands, and burst into tears again. She was sobbing violently. She stayed like that for about an hour. She has no more energy to move or do anything else. Suddenly, something grabbed her hand and pulled her towards her bed. To her horror, it was her lover or rather his body because deep down inside she knew he already gone. Her lover eyes were wide-open, blood dripping from the back of his head while saliva dripping from his lips. Clear mucus dripping from his nose while almost all of his skin turned dark, not totally black in color. Her dead lover pulled her closer. So she scream and scream and scream again…

The Return Part I

When he stepped down from the bus, he could barely felt the ground. The wet, cold weather didn't help either; instead they made it worst for him. He walked a few steps, paused, took another few steps before came to a complete halt. He sighed heavily and slowly dragging his face upward to look directly in front of him. He clenched his suitcase tighter. There were no sounds of living things, humans or animals. Not even a bird chirping. Damp and soil-like stech seemed to surround the house in front of him. No, it was more like the house was sweating ferociously, steaming out the unpleasent smell from its each and every pore. The feeling of dread and sorrow lingered around the lawn. He was home.

Numb. Empty. Nothingness. That are the only feelings that he had now. Or is it the contrary? He has no feeling right now, either physically or emotionally. It didn't seemed right to him. So he mustered all the bad memory he had in this house, all the horrible and sad moments he experienced in this house especially when he was still a kid. The midnight arguement between his parents; the silent yet intense secret arguement, the mumbled crying; not of his mom but of his dad, the constant effort in making him the best that he can be; or more than he can be or do, the occasional fight with his brother; which always left them feeling completly stupid, sad and painful. He tried to remember all the accidents that happened to him when he was living there because there was never violence from his parent. Not physical violance that is. The falling from the kitchen cabinet when he was small, the slipping in the bathroom every now and then, he tried to remember every bruise and every cut, every bone broken, every sprain, every burnt and every fear. Nothing. There was nothing that could made him feel something. Not a tear, not even a twicth in his heart. He was numbed, from his head to his soul.

Well, then. There's no point of just standing there. May be when he was literally in the house then all the feeling will come back to him, good or bad. He only took a step when suddenly he felt the world was swirling around him slowly. It was like he was looking the world outside his body and he was rotating around it (his body). He could see the view 360 degree without moving his head. The sensation was to much he had to be on his knee. Then, the light started to blinking. It was as if the sun was not really the sun anymore, but a broken spotlight. Or like a table light that was played by a kid that keep turning it off and on. The swirling became faster and suddenly he could also felt or sensed that the ground under him started to rotate also. The disorientation feeling was amplified. The earth is always moving but because of gravity, we didn't notice it. What happened to him now is that the law of gravity was still applied to his body, but not to his sense. He could throw up any moment now.

The frequency of the sun dissapeared was also increased. But when it was dark, it wasn't the normal darkness. It should be the same surrounding but in darkness and his eyes should already adjusted to the dark. But when it became dark it was totally dark. There was nothing to see. It was as if he was in another place, a place out of this world. Another dimension perhaps. Then, slowly he realized when the dark moments came, there were a lot of eyes start to appear in the dark. There were small in size, number and distance at first. And they surroundded him. And then they came closer, the number dwelling, the size became larger although not gigantic. First there was like a group of sharp sound of ruffled leaves. Then it became one inhuman growl. It was one of the worst sound in his life, worst than any demonic sound imitated by movies or games he ever heard. It took a little while for him to realize that the growl has gradually became a complete comprehensive words. He was expecting something like "I am your master. Bow to me" or "There's no way to run, no place to hide. Let us eat you alive and chew on your bone".
Instead, the words were
"Here's your 50 cent and don't forget-" then the voice changed to a normal human voice "your change again".

It was a voice of a man. A smilling man. Suddenly, he was in front of his house again, standing, his suitcase in his hand. There was no darkness, no foul creatures and everything seemed normal. It was as if it never even happen. He was dillussional.

But the man in front of him is real. He could felt it. He could sense everything now is real, it was a different feeling from what he had experienced before. The man in front of him was the bus conductor. And the bus conductor was giving him a 50 cent coin. Before he could take it and before he could wonder where was the bus, the conductor hand that was giving him the coin changed. No, not just changed but burst into something else. Something not human. It was still a hand, but not a human hand. The skin was like a snake skin, but looked harder. The fingers became claw, razor sharp claw. The man himself changed (burst). His body became bigger, tearing his (its?) clothes. The skin became the same as the hand, and there was no hair on it. Not even one. Its face still resemble a man, but a very ugly man. While the skin texture was the same as the other part of its body, the eyes grew larger and were yellowish. Its pupils were red as if it were bleeding. The face also shrunk until there was no flesh beneath the skin, only bone. Then the worst part. Its mouth. The teeth has turned into 2 rows of long sharp fangs. It was greasily yellow. Mucus-like saliva dripping from the teeth. Then, the tounge. It was almost like a human toungue but longer and was sharp pointed.

Before he could grasp what was happening in front of him, the creature right arm suddenly extended. It was happening too fast that he didn't even realized the claw went through him, didn't stop and still extending until it was burried in the tree across the street, the neighbour's tree. If it wasn't for the blood, he could see the situation as rather comical because it was like he was stabbed by an evil version of Plastic Man (or Mr. Fantastic). He could even imagine the front page of tomorrow newspaper:

A MAN KILLED BY PLASTIC MAN

A tragic comedy. Then pain engulfed him and more blood coming out of his wound and out of his mouth. And then, as if it was made from rubber, the flexible hand shrunk, not in size but in length. Because the claw still burried in the tree's trunk, the process brought him via the creature body to the tree. he didn't notice whether he was dragged on the ground or on the air. Whatever it was, it was fast. Now, he was slumping under the tree, the creature's hand still burried in his body. The creature was crouching in front of him. Then, the creature bend near his face and said,

"If only I can kill you right now..."
"But they said I can't because you are too important. Well, at least I have the pleasure of your pain..."

The creature started to twist its hand and sent a ripple of unbearable agony through his body. He wanted to scream but he only managed to utter a loud gasp. More blood coming out of his wound. In that crucial moment what he can think of was only "Great, now you ruined my nice t-shirt".

The creature was about to twist its arm again when suddenly it turned its head to his house as if it was sensing someone. Or something. Then, it hissed and suddenly dissapeared like a smoke. It was like he was never there. Blinded by the intense pain, he barely notice a figure was coming toward him from his house. It was when the figure crouching beside him that he realize that it was his own father. He could only panted, "H-hhelpp m-mmmee..."

Instead of panic and acting nervously, his father just smiled and look at him softly, calmly. Then his father said, "I thought we could keep you out of this forever. I thought we could live normally. But I was wrong. "

And then, his father put his left hand on his wound. Like a good special effect, a bright blue light surround his father arm and then went through his wound. First the pain dissapeared, and then the wound closed by itself. Even the blood dried. But the light or aura wasn't hot. It was warm and comforting. Like his mother touch. But his father wasn't finish. The physical wound was only the small part. The aura energy from his father hand increased and it flow through his body to get rid of something the creature left in his body. It was the opposite aura that of his father, a dark aura. It left a dark, dreadful feeling not only in his body but also in his soul. When the dreadful aura was completely gone, his father pulled his hand from him. The bright blue aura rapidly fading from his father arm like gun smoke. His father put his hand on his shoulder and said, "I need to tell you something..."

The Moment

There is a moment between awake and sleeping, or dreaming. A moment, which if measured by time, probably not more than a mere second. But in our subconciousness, in our head, where time is irrelevant to us as it to God, the moment is a place instead of a period of time. A mystic and sacred place. All our life we've been wondering whether Hell or Heaven are places, with location that geographically out of human knowledge. Didn't it ever occured to us that Heaven and Hell are maybe, states of mind. States of being. A terrible and horrible state or a holy and pleasurable state. A state instead of a place. A state born out of states. A collective of states.

For instance, the moment during a lover in the arm of his/her lover after an intense love-making. Shrouded in his/her sour yet oh, so sweet sweat. Suffocating with her/his bodily smell and breath. In that hightened sensation, what if the moment was captured and taken to another space and time. All the pleasurable and good moments are collected from the beginning until the end of time. Not just taken from humans, but other creatures no matter mortal or godlike. The states are woven into a structure, although bearing no physical entity. A structure so complex that it has a life of its own, evolving, growing, transforming from segments of human emotion to a holy and divine entity. A (non-physical) place of total pleasure and desire.

The opposite of that is also true. There are also moments of intense pain, agony and suffering, either physically, emotionally or mentaly. A moment like a person is been slaughtered alive, slowly. Helplessly, with hands tied, the head pulled backward by the hair, exposing the neck. Then, a big, sharp hunting knife sliced eerily easy, like a hot metal cut through butter, and blood splurting out and then became gushes as the knife cut deeper, tearing more flesh. The wound opened faster as the weight of the head tilted backward and more blood spilling out. The person tried to scream but his vocal chord was already severed. There was only a loud choking gurgle came out. This is one of the moment captured and bound with other agonizing moments to weave a (structure? States?) place we commonly and loosely called Hell. But the nature of these states are more aggressive, more intense. So, it evolved faster and becoming more elaborate than its opposite twins.

But the moment between sleeping and awakening or dreaming, the place. Is it the same for all of us? Is it a common plateau where all of us go when we're in that moment? Or is it unique for everyone? It could be a familiar place, a good and happy place for some people. It could be a dark and menacing place for some. Or it could be a bit of both, familiar yet full of sorrow and suffering. Alien yet warm and gentle. A palace. A dark room. A large door. A vast field. But it is just for a moment. Then, we will succumb into slumber or dreaming, which is a whole different court yard. And we will be in a new domain, so God help us. God help us...

Confusion, confusion

I know a lot of people probably feel the same way as I do, if not all. Have you ever feel that you're being pulled at two opposite ways at the same time? Some might says between good and evil. Some might says between black and white. I don't believe, in people at least, there's pure evil or there's pure good. There're either more evil or more good. Then, some people will say, just follow your heart. Well, my heart will say just stay at home and sleep all day. Some might say, follow your mind. Well, my head said as long as you didn't do anything that cause harm to youself, everything goes. Some might screamed, "Just follow the holy book!! It's the words of God. God can never be wronggggg!!!". Well, I tried my best. But sometimes my best is not good enough.

Let me give you another thing that puzzled me. You always heard people kept saying just be yourself, just be the real you or something like that. But what if, our trueselves is evil? What if our trueselves is child-rapist, serial killer, wife beater, man eater? Can we still be ourselves? If not, then they should add, "Just be your good self" or "Just be the real you that is not evil".

Then, I also wondered about the saying "Everything happen for the best". WTF? Lets take the Tsunami tragedy for example. How in hell, the death of hundred thousands of people will ever be happen for the best? How can people being raped, sodomized and murdered happen for the best? I can still consider "Things happen for a reason", but happen for the best? The guy/girl that come up with that saying must be born rich and good looking and have good luck for the rest of his/her life. Probably died while making love.

I could go on and on and all the confusions would circulating through my mind like toxic waste and form a benign tumor in my brain. God, I just wanna lie down on a field of grass, watching the sky. And slumber...

The Beginning

First entry. Always the hardest one. Staring at the blank page, fingers itching to open a door to a whole new world, or in other words to connect the page to the other world in my mind. It's a simple act to other. Just write (or type). Not for me. Because once I start writing, I couldn't stop. All the words just flow through on and and on again. They doesn't even have to be coherent let alone appropriate. But mostly, there's a lot of stories to tell. And the stories are not even real.

For those who want to read something that can make them happy, amuse or hoping this entry will provide something to fill up their time, you better look somewhere else. This is not a documentation of my private life, nor its some crap I created just for fun. This is more of the documentation of my thought, which doesn't need any format, characteristic or architecture. I rarely express my thought, not because it is useless, wrong or could offend other people. Nor I afraid people would judged me. I kept my thought to myself because it explain so much, it revealed too much. There's a lot of answer that are so obvious and true, that we knew it along but we couldn't accept it. We wouldn't accept it. I'm not saying that I'm wise and everything, but I'm worried that I might make people see things from different perspective, and can make them question what they have believe all their life. No, I'm not a devil worshipper or something like that. I just don't want to be the person who said, "Sorry kid, no one live happily everafter. Everyone will end up dead sonner or later".

Time, time. I want to tell more but time keep pulling me with it's chain. It's hopeless to fight time 'cause it's like trying to dry the ocean using a cup. Anyway, there always be a next time. Now, if only the voices in my head would just shut up.